PHUKET
TO LANGKAWI
The scenery was stunning and as there wasn't a breath of wind, the sea was like a millpond. Consequently, it took four hours to our first waypoint.
Suddenly, a brisk wind picked up and we found ourselves having to change tack every couple of hours. Around 9.30 pm we were hit by an unbelievable storm which forced us to endure thunder, lightening, wind and teeming rain until midnight. Then, to add insult to injury, we got caught up in a game of 'dodgems' with the trawlers, making it impossible for us to even take a catnap. We were absolutely exhausted by the time we dropped anchor at Pulo Borau, a small bay on the Western side of Lankawi, at 5 pm the following afternoon. It was heaven to get a decent night's sleep and we only lifted anchor at 10.15 the following morning and finally entered Bass Harbour, Langkawi at 2pm in the same afternoon.
After clearing Customs and Immigration we made our way into the town, had a slap-up meal at Dominoes Restaurant, then picked up a few essentials at a supermarket. Lankawi is a duty free island and our intentions were to stock up on provisions whilst we were there but, that could wait for later.
Next morning we awoke to the sound of someone knocking topsides. It was Fred from the South African yacht "Moonpath", who'd spotted our flag and come over to introduce himself. On leaving, he generously offered to take our garbage ashore!
Later whilst out shopping for a small TV, we heard Afrikaans being spoken. Bob sidled up behind the speaker and quietly said "Wat maak julle so ver van die huis af?" (What are you doing so far from home?"). They swung around, their astonished expressions breaking into beaming smiles. Bob was given happy thumps on the back and I got hugs all round. Passers-by stared as we all talked at once, switching from English to Afrikaans as most South Africans tend to do.
It transpired they were part of the team that had come to Langkawi to promote the South African "Rooivalk Attack Helicopter". They gave us complimentary tickets to the show and invited us to visit their stand for a lunch of boerewors (traditional South African sausage) and Castle Lager (a popular S.A. beer). Having been at sea for seven months, our South African flag was in ribbons and they presented us with a new one, much larger and of a far superior tunnel-tested quality.
South Africa had recently won the Rugby World Cup and, as the Helicopter stand happened to be sandwiched between those of Australia and New Zealand, they'd had a bit of fun by wording the invitations to their cocktail party thus:-
AN OPPORTUNITY TO SOCIALISE WITH WORLD CHAMPIONS.
You are hereby invited to join the RUGBY WORLD CHAMPIONS - THE SPRINGBOKS
For a drink of South African Beer - CASTLE LAGER
Date: Friday 8 December 1995, Time: 16h30 - Venue: Armscor Chalet
We will attempt to refrain from referring to events of the recent past but no guarantees can be given in this regard. We look Forward to meeting you on Friday so do make use of this once in a lifetime opportunity.
R.S.V.P.
Boy van Rensburg or Nico de Jager at The Armscor Stand,
R.S.A. Pavilion.
Regards, "THE SPRINGBOKS". |
Mischievous faces confided that they had videotapes of the recent World Cup Rugby opening game (when S.A. beat AUSTRALIA) and the final game (when S.A. beat New Zealand) and had hired a Video player to show these to their guests at the party. Regrettably it was impossible for us to attend but we pasted their invitation in pride-of-place in the saloon on "Seerose" (and it was still there when she was eventually sold to an Englishman.)
We fell in love with Malaysia and have always regretted the fact that we were unable to spend more time there. We were most impressed with the population's excellent command of the English language, their impressive marketing strategies, quality of the merchandise available and how inexpensive we found everything to be on the duty free island of Langkawi.
Our sail back to Phuket was a lengthy one as we made several stopovers to explore the many islands en route.
We were required to do a visa run every thirty days and we resolved to use this route each time. However, we only did so on three occasions as lack of wind made it necessary to motor both ways, thus making our journey an expensive one.
Once again the guys at the Boating Association came to the rescue by suggesting various alternatives to accommodate these visa runs. Travel Agencies marketed packages to various countries in the vicinity. These comprised a return flight and two nights accommodation with breakfast in a 'budget type' hotel, with a tour of the city thrown in. By taking advantage of these offers, we visited Singapore, Hong Kong, and Penang.
Then (woe is me), there were the taxies! For a nominal fee we could jump in a taxi, drive to the border post, climb out the taxi, join the queue, have our passports stamped 'OUT' while the taxi made a U turn, rejoin the queue, have our passports stamped 'IN', then climb back into the same taxi to return to Phuket.
I hated the taxies as the operators overloaded their vehicles and at 5 ft 4 inches and 116 lbs, I was always the smallest passenger. Consequently, I was always assigned the hump between the two front bucket seats to sit upon. To cap it all, they also drove like lunatics in their haste to get to the border and back in order to squeeze in the maximum trips in one day, resulting in me always arriving back in Phuket sans skin on my coccyx! On one occasion we flew around a corner at such high speed that we almost went off a cliff and in my fear I actually screamed and pummelled the driver on his back.
Despite these set backs we grew to love the country and it's gentle, industrious people. Our glowing emails to friends and family back home attracted some of them over for a visit during the three and a half years we spent in the area. On the occasion that our children flew over, for obvious reasons, the grandchildren had to remain at home and we were longing to see them. So, when the time came for our next haul-out, I suggested that we fly home to see them whilst it was in progress.
It was heaven to be there after so long an absence - there really is no place like home, yet it took almost a month before I plucked up the courage to verbalise that which was foremost in my mind.
"How would you feel about us putting a ridiculously high price on 'Seerose' and adopting a 'wait and see' attitude"?
Four days later we received an email from the broker with a generous offer from an Englishman, which we accepted.
We knew we'd done the right thing but we've always regretted it. Our magnificent 'Water Lily' was built to brave the rough, high seas of the South African coastline, not the gentle calm waters of South East Asia.
The last news we had of her was that the new owners had sailed her to Singapore.
So ended what proved to be the most extraordinary experience of our lives, one that paled all others to insignificance.
Some months later, we received an email from Bob (the Canadian Chairman of the Boating Association in Phuket). I've copied it below verbatim, in the hope that visitors to my website will find it to be both an amusing and interesting insight to Thai culture.
BOB AND LERT’S WEDDING. (Copy of email)
It started out easy, but somehow an easy trip made difficult. I figured we had plenty of time to purchase our tickets - wrong - planned to get away on the 7th of May, travel up to Kalasin (N E Thailand). With my lovely bride in hand we left Ao Chalong to go to the bus terminal in Phuket town. I figured five days in advance was plenty of time to get a couple of seats on the VIP bus up country. The price for the VIP to Bangkok is 575 Bhat ($23). After what seemed much too long of a discussion just to purchase a bus ticket, Lert asked me for the money and I gave her 1,200 baht. She handed me the 200 back and gave the clerk 1,000 bhat. Now I'm worried. What's going on. I see the Lady start pulling tickets out of several books and staple them together. I knew that each ticket meant one stop. Altogether there were 8 tickets. Ah - the Orange Crush. No, not the Orange Crush . How can anyone survive the Orange Crush to Bangkok?
The VIP bus has nice reclining seats, TV, aircon, and stewardess on board. The 'Crush' has straight-backed seats and all open windows. The Thais put their valuables in their underwear as when they sleep the thieves won't rip them off. I really cannot imagine how anyone could possibly ever sleep on one of these buses in the first place. I'm very upset at this point and not looking forward to the trip.
Well we don't have to worry about the trip from Bangkok to Kalasin as Lert's sister is coming to Bangkok to pick us up. This will be nice. A nice private car with air, stop when you like, sightsee. I think I will look forward to this part of the trip.
I have to keep reminding myself that it's Lert's day and try to remain calm. As difficult as that might be, I do have to try. She is really excited about the trip. I had cancelled a charter to the Similian Islands and another one to Phi Phi Island and Pang Na, as she was adamant about not going on any boat before the wedding, as she didn't want to turn any darker than she already was. She has been putting creams and lotions on everyday to keep her skin white. Just one day in the sun and she really does turn dark. "After the wedding I will go with all you want but please, not before", she begged me. "OK, OK," - what can I do - it's her day?
Everyday she looks at the calendar to plan the big adventure. The phone rings - It's Russ Myers, a friend that lives here and was into fishing in Hawaii. He owned a real nice Charter boat in Maui.
"I would like to get Lert a dress for the Wedding. You're kind of my adopted family and I would like to do something nice for Lert. Go see my tailor Sam, and he will make one up for her. By the way, what are you wearing?
"I have a nice suit I can wear. It's in the country and I'll probably be the only one in a suit, let alone the only one who owns one".
"That's not good enough Bob; tell Sam to make you up a tuxedo".
"Ah come on Russ, it's up country and a suit is good enough".
"No way, I'm buying and it's a tux. I've already picked out the accessories - a kinda purple cummerbund and a purple bow tie".
So now I have a tuxedo to get married in!
Well the 7th of May is here and we're off to the bus. When I finally get there, to my great surprise and delight it's not the 'Orange Crush'. It's the Second class bus, not as good as the VIP but not too bad. It's a proper touring bus but it only makes one stop for dinner (thank God for small favours).
We leave Phuket at 5.30pm and at 7pm stop for dinner. We all get herded into a bus stop restaurant and told where to sit. I'm at a table with Lert and six other Thais. The food comes and the race is on. We all get a plate of rice and the rest of the food is put in bowls on the table. Well - the feeding frenzy begins, and I know it's been at least a week and a half since anyone at my table has eaten. They dive right in for the best portions. Bob, not being a bit bashful has to make sure I get mine and Lert gets her share. I feel like Zorro dueling in the middle of the table. I must say that I did get my feed (it was a feed rather than a dinner), then we were all back on the bus.
We arrive in Bangkok at 6.30 am. Lert spots her sister waving to us and I can see the excitement in her. We have lots of luggage; one rice cooker from someone going somewhere, baby clothes, shirts for everyone and who knows what else. Buak, her brother, helps with the luggage to the car. We have lots of unfamiliar faces (at least to me) with us as we walk the block and a half to the car. We turn the corner and the truck is there, full of people waiting. Phi Coy (I think this means brother-in-law in Thai) is waiting for us; Mom and Dad are here also; the two boys are here. Here is Auntie and older sister; cousin and niece. Sister's kid, sister's daughter - well, eleven people in all.
The group left Kalasin at 5pm and arrived in Bangkok at 1 am, slept in the parking lot and are ready to travel back home. It's amazing to me how, or even better why, so many people would do this. I think it's a real hardship just to travel this far, let along in the back of a truck. I'll never understand their logic, but then again, you never mix logic with reason in Thailand! Lert, just a real jewel through this, gets the front seat with yours truly. We will travel with the windows down as the truck doesn't have air. Three in front of a little Japanese truck - I think it was a Mazda - and ten in the back. Why? We're off to the promised land!
I wasn't looking forward to the 400 plus miles which lay ahead. I tell Lert to stop somewhere for breakfast. She says no problem, we don't have to stop. I insist, pretending that I need to eat. I just figure that after travelling all night, someone might just possibly be hungry. We stop and all get out and head up to the restaurant. I get lots of food, thinking everyone is sharing and I want to know everyone gets fed. I notice Pa is not eating. I ask Lert and she tells me that Pa only eats kowneow (sticky rice eaten with the hands, rolled into a little ball and used as a spoon-like tool to scoop up the other food). I feel bad that Pa hasn't eaten, but nothing I can do.
We buy lots of the snacks for the trip - stop at the gas station and buy drinking water and off again. I don't know why, but it seems as though the sun keeps following me around. Windows down and the sun beating on my face. It's going to be a long trip.
The countryside is pretty much the same, rice fields, ponds with ducks. Lots of buses and large trucks, I know because everything on the road is passing us up. At 40 - 50 clicks an hour I have lots of time to sights. Lert is great, sitting in the middle all scrunched up and all. Never a complaint out of her.
Another stop for gas and lots of drinks. . It's about 105 outside and I think it might be a tad more in the car. The people on the back of the truck look as though they are on the way to their final resting place. Not a lot of hoops and hollering coming from there. Half are trying to sleep sitting up, something I've never mastered. But the Thais can sleep anywhere, anytime. I even had a hard time sleeping on the Aircon bus with reclining seats. I put the sun visor on the side window and have to lean forward so I don't get a direct hit of hot sun. I decide this is no fun and not the preferred way to travel.
Only another hour to go. I squirm in my seat, wishing this trip was over with. My face and one arm are sunburnt. Who would have thought of bringing sunblock? I hear stirring in the back - they know it's close to being over. Yeah, I can see the town. The countryside is perfectly flat for miles, not a hill in sight.
About two miles from the town I see a tall building with 'HOTEL' written on it. That must be the place. Phi Chai pulls up in the parking lot of a new, modern 3 or 4 star hotel. I tell him "No, not here, pull into the driveway". I do the checking in - I don't think anyone has ever been in a hotel before. I let Lert do the talking, she might as well as although the staff so speak some English, they will definitely understand her better than me. The published rate is $60 a night - we get our room for $36 a night, including breakfast. It was a wise decision to let her check in.
We ride up to the room with Lert's sister and brother-in-law and I believe this is the first time that anyone of them has been in an elevator. It seems as though there will be many 'first's' for both of us on this trip! The room is quite nice, bath and shower, TV, Mini bar, and a view of tree tops in the distance. I notice a swimming pool and it's real hot so I figure a dip in the pool might be in order. Lert says 'OK', but we first have to go to the village. We can have a dip when we get back in about four or five hours. I say 'Oh no, not me, I've just been travelling for 26 hours and I'm not moving a foot out of this room. No sir. I ask how far the Village is. "Only 30 miles, but it takes one hour to drive it". It was a good decision on my part to stay put. Lert goes off with my future in-laws and I draw a hot bath. I bathe and rest for a couple hours then mosey on down to the restaurant. Ah let's see what looks good. The restaurant overlooks this extra large swimming pool and I just can't believe the number of children in it. I have stayed in a lot of hotels and have never seen so many people in any pool. It's extremely hot here and I can see why everyone wants to take a dip.
The waiter comes up to me and asks if I would like a beer. Now I just hate it when anyone asks me that question. I obviously look like a beer drinker, but I never drink the stuff, so I give them my set answer. No, I would not like a beer, I'll just tip as though I'd had a beer. Honestly, I never can figure out why someone thinks they know what I would like to drink. Anyway, I decide to order dinner.
Looking over the menu I decide on the roast chicken and French onion soup. The waiter asks me why I don't order seafood, so I told him he was 600 miles from the sea and I didn't want to eat seafood. My meal came and I knew right away I'd made a big mistake. The onions in the soup were burnt and the chicken - I'd never had anything like it. Every bite I took was a load of bones. I couldn't believe it was roasted chicken. I knew I'd be eating Thai food for the rest of the trip and just wanted something easy. Well, off for a good night's sleep - perhaps I'd feel better in the morning. Lert returns about 11pm and I just know she's dead tired - up all day and the long drives.
Te Lock (my love). This is what she calls me - the closest in English is 'Honey'. She was real excited to see her family, especially her boys. The oldest boy is still in Bangkok and won't be home until after I leave. I draw a bath for her and note that the hotel provides bubble bath. Another first for her - her first bath in a tub and her first bubble bath. This she really enjoys, like most of us, I certainly do.
Well we have a 9.00 pick up and go for the free American breakfast. At last, a good feed. What's the old saying? - They can't screw up the eggs. Well they can in Thailand as all the cooking is done in a wok. But a proper breakfast. Fried eggs, toast, orange juice, hot dogs, ham, lunchmeat, fried rice, soup and watermelon. Just your typical American breakfast.
The gang arrive and off we go to the village, once more in Phi Coy's truck. The road to the village is OK - not much traffic for the first 10 miles, then it turns into a dirt road. We pass small villages along the way. Then the road turns into a washboard road and I know why the truck has no shocks. Twenty miles of washboard road and the truck is rapidly falling apart. The leaf springs are already flat and the ride is one of those rides that the fillings in your teeth fall out!
It took a little over an hour to get to Bahn Nouk, a small village with two story houses which are wooden structures with planks on the sides (Thai ventilation). The bottom part is where the cooking and all social events happen and the top is for sleeping. The bathroom is separate with a squat toilet and a water basin that is also used for bathing. You pour water over body, soap yourself then rinse yourself by scooping water with the same basin. They have squat toilets which are flushed by throwing water down them.
The main item of furniture is a small table-like object that serves as a table, a chair and a bed. It is about 2 feet off the ground, usually 6` x 10` and made of 1/4" bamboo strips. The ground is dirt with lots of chickens running around.
When we arrive there's a large gathering of people here. Mostly old ladies all chatting and preparing food, at least that's what I think, but they're actually fixing up their beetle nut. I wai to them and they smile, and I couldn't help seeing the missing teeth and all of the red gums. I don't know what all goes into making up the stuff, but there are many ingredients. There are green leaves that a small amount of white paste is put onto, followed by a one inch thinly sliced piece of beetle nut. Then there's something that looks like tree bark, it's 5" long and about 1" wide, followed by some sort of tobacco. They are all - I mean all, chewing this stuff.
The big platform and social hall is the main gathering place. Some have a spit can but most just spit between the cracks in the bamboo. This goes on all day. I sit down and Lert introduced me to the girls. There wasn't a man in sight, then I see an old man approaching, bent almost in half with old age, walking with a cane just to hold him up. He sits beside me. I really have a hard time sitting cross-legged for any period of time as my ankles get rubbed raw and sore. The old guy turns out to be an old college professor, and I would put his age to be close to, if not, over 100. He has some English! Oh good, at lease someone to talk to as the rest speak Esan Thai and I can only pick up about every tenth word .
"How are you?" He yells at the top of his voice. I figure he's deaf. When I answer him all he yells out is "How are you" once more, louder than before. Well I guess the only thing to do is to order up some beers and whiskey. I send one of the kids hanging around gawking at the 'falang' (me) to get some beer and fixings for the men who start showing up. By the time the goods arrive a rather large crowd of people have gathered. The word must have got out that the booze showed up. I thought I'd get a couple of different kinds of booze so everyone could drink what they wanted. Much to my surprise all the boys had a glass, and poured half a glass of beer followed by a half a glass of whiskey. The old timer was the first to put one down. I just cannot for the life of me believe that anyone would actually drink one of these.
The boys tried to get me on one, but seeing how it was only 10 am it was way before my drinking hour. I ordered up some ice and soda, made myself a very mild drink and tried to join in. Needless to say I got lost in the dust. Is this the first time any of you boys have had a drink? I thought. Well! I couldn't believe that the old timer kept getting his glass filled up. Now I've had a few cocktails in my time, but never this many, so fast. After two solid hours and a couple of more fifths and five or six more beers the party started rolling. The first one to bale out was 'what is your name' (fifty or sixty times). I think he knew that my name was Bob. He took three steps and down he went, got up, made about five more steps, and down he went again. That was the last I saw of him.
Off to town. We load the truck with ten of us and bump down the road for another hour or so. I get the front seat once more. I tell Lert to stop and get some lunch first. We go to a little shop that everyone seems familiar with. "They have good food here", Lert's sister says. I let them do the ordering, just making sure I have plenty of water. Esan food is about twice as hot as Thai food. I think they give me a break and order a few dishes that aren't too hot. We eat sticky rice and some soup. The soup is way too hot for me, just as well as it is pig intestine soup. We also have fried pigs tong, another one of my favourites, a big bowl of Chili paste and some pasta and rice. The fried tong wasn't too bad but I drew the line on eating bugs - I have always held firm on this! I tried everything, but was still a bit hungry when we left. Lert left a tip, and there was about four attempts to pick it up...."The falang forgot some money on the table". She explains that it's a tip and they all look at me as though I'm nuts!
Next stop was shopping (now this is something they do well!). I want Lert's boys to have some new clothes for the wedding so I tell her to buy pants, shirt and shoes. It's almost 'back to school time' so she's decided it would be better to by them school clothes. I go along with that thought so we buy school uniforms - white shirts, brown short pants and brown soft shoes with socks. This is the first time the kids have had shoes - always slippers in the past. Mom gets a new blouse and a large bag of beetle nut and fixings.
I return to the hotel, not wanting to venture down the dusty bumpy road again. There is one more shopping day before the wedding. I give instructions to have Dad come to town in the morning. Saturday morning Dad shows with Mom's brother. Off to get some new threads for the boys. We get Dad new shoes, pants and two shirts. Uncle gets new slippers and pants with shirt. They seem happy with the purchases.
Now it's time to shop for the wedding. Lert's boys and some other folks were on the bus when we met it at the market. No one in sight now. We buy all kinds of things to go along with the cow that I bought earlier - we especially get what looks like a year's supply of Beetle nut fixings. The whole village would have no teeth and red gums in no time at all.
We start carrying all the veggies and I'm desperately looking for some help. At this point I get a little upset with all that's going on. I tell Lert that being as I'm paying for everything, I should not have to lug the stuff around. Well we decide to leave the stuff with me and she will shop for the rest of the goods on her own. I'm standing guard over at least 20 assorted bags. I tell her no frogs, grasshoppers or bugs of any sort.
We only have one stop left. Buy the booze. I get three cases of Chang beer (very strong and not very good). At least it's cheap. One case of Sang Tip (Thai whiskey). I have to hire a Tuk-Tuk; in this case an open-air motor bike with seats attached to it, just to go across the street to catch the bus back to the village. The only time I needed a truck and I have to take the bus with all of the groceries. Bus? Well actually it's a large truck covered in canvas with boards running along the sides for seats.
I see Dad shows up, and he loads a very large bag of rice on board. We stow all our bags under the seats so no one will step on them. I find out this is the last bus back to the village for the day. Being Saturday, and a major shopping day, the bus is packed with people and everything anyone could buy in one day. I'm sitting next to someone with a new stove. One of the cousins has to sit next to a rather large bag of frogs that are still alive and kicking all over the place. The villagers just keep coming and coming. Thank the Lord that I boarded the bus 30 minutes ahead of time. More come, and more come. I see Dad and Uncle still haven't gotten on. Maybe they will take a later bus, I think to myself, not knowing at the time that this is the last ride of the day.
The driver gets in and starts up. One can't move and the people are standing up holding on, five deep. Now I see what everyone was waiting for - the roof. About 25 men and boys are on the roof. The only live things that I can see are catfish and frogs. I'm definitely not getting up and give my seat away.
When someone wants off they ring a little bell like a doorbell and the driver pulls over and the person wanting off has to fight their way off, and this is when the driver is paid. It's a long ride to the village and I'm just thankful that I'm not on top. By the time we reach our stop the bus is nearly empty. I think maybe one or two more stops and it's the end of the line. The house is quite isolated.
It took a all hands working party to unload the lot, and of course the extra large bag of rice was left where it was taken off the bus. Ah, here comes one of Lert's sisters with a very large pushcart (I think they've done this before). Turning the corner there's an extremely large gathering of old people, mostly women, and they're straight into the Beetle nut. I cannot believe that the one I bought yesterday is already finished - maybe, maybe not - I'll never know.
The beer and Sang Tip is broken out and the men somehow have a third sense about this. Maybe the bus gave us away, but anyway, a party is beginning to happen. I have a couple of drinks and want to leave as we have a big day tomorrow and I don't want to get smashed. Lert and I leave and we have to get the truck as the last bus of the day has already left. I know Phi Choy doesn't want to drive us but a purple note (five hundred Bhat or $20) puts him in a better mood. I just want to have a nice dinner - Thai food, then get to bed early and rest up. We shouldn't have a problem finding a Thai restuarant - this is Thailand. After walking around for 20 minutes or so we take a Tuk-Tuk, Lert just happens to know of one - one only in the whole town. All Eastern food shops. Lao food just doesn't do it for me somehow.
The Big Day! I wake up at 5.30 as Lert's sister is picking us up at 6.00. Why so early? She says the wedding is beginning at 8.30 and she has to get her hair done and get dressed. With a one hour ride I can see the time frame we're working in. I don't like it but I surely don't have a choice - this is the Thai way. I have been to several different Thai weddings and they all start at around 8.00 am, so when in Rome..........
Sister and husband arrive when I'm in the shower. Great! It's 5.40 and I'm pressured into leaving. No big thing just don't let things get to you! It's our day and nothing could possibly spoil it - I won't let anything spoil it, Just smile and go with the flow . Dress comfortable and change into my tux when we arrive. This is the hot season and that means 100 to 105 degrees. Dress as comfortable as possible. I know the Tux won't be the preferred dress, even the men wear sarongs in the countryside.
We get there and a lot of people look as though they haven't slept yet. The bottles and party leftovers are around everywhere, as what I didn't know is that the party before the wedding is the big one - it must have been by the look of things. Oh well. Off we go to sister's house, about 30 yards away from the house we're getting married in. The 'hairdresser' arrives and things start moving. The hairdresser is a 'lady-man' - which is quite common in Thailand. When Thai girls (or ladies in this case) get married, their hair is piled up on their heads, with a tiara placed on top. As this signifies a bride, it is the only time the hairstyle is used. Very white makeup is applied as in Thailand white skin is considered most beautiful and dark skin is regarded as down right ugly. So to me, Lert is almost unrecognizable and I tell her she looks Japanese.
There are at least twenty kids and adults in the house, 'looking on. I have to get dressed in the corner. After a short wait she is ready, and we walk through the yard to Dad's house. I have no idea what the people think of me - a foreigner with a Tux in their village. It really doesn't matter as Lert is stunning and all eyes are on her. She's wearing a $400 dress, and I'm sure it's the first time anything like it has ever been seen in the village.
We go up the stairs, but not before I've taken my shoes off. I'm used to this from Hawaii, and whilst I think there should be exceptions to the rule, it's not up to me to make the rules. The house is packed ... seven Monks in one part and maybe twenty old gals on the other side. We enter and I don't have a clue what to do, or for that matter, understand a word anyone is saying. All I know is that it's already real hot! The majority of the guests follow us into the house and I look around for Lert's brother - I want him to be my best man but I don't see him anywhere. Someone tells one of the guys nearby to stand beside me. I figure this is to be my best man, but it would have been nice if I'd ever seen the guy before. I haven't the foggiest idea of what's going on, so it really doesn't matter.
There's a little chanting going on - bowing to the monks - Lert trying to lead me through. I'm really uncomfortable doing everything on the floor - guess I wasn't made for kneeling on the floor - or even sitting on it. My ankles always get sore when I sit on them - guess it's the way I'm built - not designed to sit on my ankles. Someone has turned the fan on me. I guess they didn't want me passing out before the ceremony finished.
A bowl of food is brought forward and though I don't feel hungry I guess I'll have to have some. Wrong frog-face, the food is for the monks - bowl after bowl, even dessert. The green things look like green worms in coconut milk. We walk on our knees and give the food over. The monks start eating. I guess they've already done their part.
The village chief takes over. He says a lot of words and we bow and clasp our hands some more. A pleasant looking chap dressed nice. I light the candles but the fan keeps blowing them out. Oh no! ... They turn the fan off! That was the best thing of all so far!! Now I'll have to rough it out without my fan! The candles are carefully placed in two bottles - one a soda pop and the other a beer bottle. (It was one of my Chang beer bottles! - any port in a storm - this is up-country and this is the way it is). I wonder if I'm the only one that noticed. It's perfectly normal for the folks in the village. The little things that the Western mind remembers other folk don't even give a moment's thought to. I just smile to myself and concentrate on keeping the candle lit.
Our camera is clicking away and this is what is concerning me most right now- I don't want to run out of film! The guy is taking pictures at the rate of one a minute. What can he think is so exciting that every minute needs to be captured on film for life. The guy looks at Lert and sure enough, we're out of film. I get handed the camera as he knows I'm the only one who knows how to load it. I stop my 'bowing and clasping hands' to load the film. I don't know what's going on anyway so I'm sure they figured I wouldn't miss anything. I load the camera and he starts in again. I tell Lert to tell the guy to slow down. I don't think she liked being disturbed during the ceremony but this is my last roll of film. Some things are important! (The Western mind again).
A big dogfight breaks out under the house. It must be at least 5 or 6 dogs by the sound of it. The fight definitely got my attention, at least it was something I could finally understand. It goes on for quite some time then I hear some yelling and a few yelps and it's all quiet again - except for the Chief saying something. A few minutes and the Chief ties white string around my wrists and Lert's. He steps back and I immediately call for the fan ... I'm sweating bullets by now. No one argued and everyone started tying strings around our wrists. This must be tradition, but my arms are going in every direction to give everyone a chance to tie their string on, in front; behind; overhead; around the side. I'm out of direct line of the fan again. Aaah! The whole business lasted about two hours, then finally it was finished. I don't recall any "I do’s" or any words close to them. In fact, I don't think I said anything other than matters which related to the camera.
I get up, I barely make it my legs are so stiff. As we are leaving another dogfight breaks out. A few yelps and it's over quickly. We go down to the house to the social event. Now I'm expected to drink. I still haven't seen Lert's brother. I ask her about it and she says that they had a big party last night and he got drunk and didn't show up. In fact, I never did see him for the rest of the trip.
It's getting hotter so we decide to change clothes. Back to sister's house and get my monkey suit off. Now I know why they call it a monkey suit. I'm sure I looked as out of place in mine at my wedding as anyone ever has. It's good I brought clothes with me.
Returning to the party I make my way over to the elders. They are into the beer/Sang Tip combo. It's 10.30 in the morning. I have a light one without beer. They keep wanting to get me drunk but I'm not having any of it. I ask where my cow is - I know I bought one but haven't seen any of it as yet. Someone brings me a plate of bar-b-cue meat and Lert tells me that this is my cow. I want a steak or some ribs. No, there is also a plate of raw beef. I ask where is the rest. Well everyone at the party the night before took home doggie bags. Great! I tell myself "Bob, you just got married, take it easy." "Ok, Ok, let it be".
Everyone wants to talk to me but all I get is maybe every tenth word. I tell Lert I want to go rest. I definitely don't want any more to drink.
We go to sister's house and there's actually a chair there. The small things in life that make it wonderful. Lert is great throughout the whole thing. I tried hard. I get lots of attention. They make me lunch and I get a soda. I try to rest but want to return to the hotel. I ask Lert what time the bus leaves the village. I want to get on the noon ride out of here. I know the last one is at 1pm.
I gather my tux, put my things in the garment bag and tell Lert to do the same. All she brings is her makeup case. I ask her where her dress is. She tells me we are now in the wedding dress business. She cooked up a deal with her sister to rent out her dress for weddings. See, not all bad came out of the trip. This is a Thai deal, and whatever makes them happy. It's a real nice dress. Now we are in business in Kalasin. I wonder if this requires a work permit! While writing this I show it to Lert and I tell her I'm writing about the dress. She informs me that it has been rented out three times already. I ask where the money is and it always goes somewhere. I just hope her kids see some of it. The dress rents out for $20 a day. This is about as much as I have made on my boat since I got married, but back to our departure.
Everyone wants to know where we're going. I tell them we're catching the noon bus back. A look of amazement on their faces. After much discussion I discover that on Sundays the last bus runs at 10 am. "Lert, get your things together, we're leaving." She looks more amazed than anyone. "I'm out of here". I get up, grab my garment bag and say "Let's go". "Go where?" "Out of here, I'm leaving", and I start walking. I know that if one has any money at all they can get to any destination they desire. So off I go, walking. Lert is following a few steps behind. I know she's cursing under her breath and I really have to smile to myself. I know she thinks that I'm completely crazy at this point.
"How will we get there?". "We'll get there!" I know that someone travelling on the road will give us a ride. As we walk along, all the folk we walk by ask her something or another. They all have a good laugh, mainly at her expense, as they all talk Lao and I don't understand a word. I just think of all the weddings that I have been to and never before have the bride and groom had to walk away from the wedding party.
We see a bus and ask for a ride and he tells us he's through for the day. Next we see a Tuk-Tuk. I wave him down and he just drives by. I see a pickup truck and wave at him, and he goes by. This might be harder than I think.
I see another Tuk-Tuk and wave him down. He starts our way and lo and behold, Phi Coy shows up. I hadn't seen him at the wedding. He probably thought if he showed up he would have to give us a ride back. Well he does! Thank God, my last trip for a while down the road. We get back and it's over.
Now Lert, the jewel that she is, was great through the whole thing. I went along with it. The hard part was I hadn't a clue of what was happening. Not that it matters but it would have been nice. All in all it was quite different, but that was to be expected. This is my first village marriage. I have been to Siri's daughter's wedding at the Dusit Hotel, with all the trimmings at about $100,000. So I was lucky to get by on my budget. I do love her so and she makes me happy.
We have to go to the Bank and county seat (Amphur) the next day. I tell them to meet us about 1pm. We go back to the Honeymoon Suite. Lert sees me eyeballing the menu and I ask if she's hungry. I tell her to order. I think she likes room service. She orders a hamburger. Oh well. We get our order and I top mine off with a banana split. I only get married every 25 years or so.
The next day the car arrives at 1.30, Thai time for 1 pm. Now when one needs to go to the bank, one would think "We're in the middle of town, how long will it take?". We had to go to the Rice Bank at the county seat and it turns out it's one hour's drive away. Things are not as easy as one would think. We get all matters straightened out; house registration and listing of families and whatever else has to be done. This takes up about three hours. Then Lert has to return several more times, as nothing gets done in one or two days here. OK, fine! We're done for the day. Let's get something to eat.
Another spirit of adventure. They all ask me where I want to eat. I say it doesn't matter. Wrong! We pull into a small restaurant and Dad seems not too interested in eating. We pull several tables together and Lert starts ordering. Dad is still outside. I wonder what's wrong with him. The gal who does the cooking gets started and removes the newspaper from over the food. Then I know why Dad is not inside. About 1,000 flies get up and start flying around. Oh No!. Lets get moving right now. Lert tells the gal we're leaving. She hasn't the slightest idea why we're leaving. I believe it needed no explanation.
"Well where do you want to eat then", she asks. I tell her the first place she took me. Guess what we get to eat? I guess they figured I hadn't had my fill of Pig inners and fried pigs tong. Well, I must say the service was great and there weren't any flies on the tables. Same as before, we ate little and drank lots of water. Dad likes the place so that made the difference. No harm done and everyone is happy.
They all go off on their way and we have one more day to enjoy Kalasin. We do a little shopping and I step in the worst sewer ditch I have ever seen, and my shoe fills up with the most wretched scum on earth. Ugh! I buy some water to wash my shoe and foot. The lady who owns the stall next to the sewer trench show us her wrists and tells us her deformity is from the sewer. Now I really go to work on the washing of my foot! "Let's get back to the hotel", I tell Lert.
All's well and I leave today, Tuesday. I will not, however, take the bus. I'm flying back. Yeah. I checkout and wait for the gang to show up. Phi Coy, Sister and husband, Dad, Mom's brother and someone that I had to buy something for. I never did find out who he was.
We all say our goodbyes and I give Lert's sister a kiss on the cheek. Well I guess they thought this is what the Westerners do. All the men came up to me and started kissing me goodbye. One after another, except the guy I bought something for that I don't know why. Off I go to the Airport in the hotel van. I wave, and have a feeling that Dad really likes me. Today was the day he wore the clothes that I bought him for the wedding. This must be a special day. Even had his new shoes on!
Lert has to stay behind and do more paperwork. She says she'll return in a week's time. After a few days she calls and says she's returning on Saturday around 6pm. When I get home everyone asks where Lert is. I tell them that she will arrive early Saturday evening. I have a small gang waiting Saturday night, to welcome her home. No Lert. I'm somewhat worried as the roads have many bus accidents and when one is worried, one imagines so many things going wrong, and I have a hard time sleeping.
"Te Lock (my love) I'm home. I think to myself "Thank God".
"Where have you been, I've been worried sick? You were supposed to be here at 6pm."
Lert looks at me and smiles" I came home on THE ORANGE CRUSH"
BOXING
DAY TSUNAMI
On Boxing Day 2005, we sat in the lounge of our home in Umtentweni, Kwa Zulu Natal, South Africa, absolutely devastated as we watched television footage of the Tsunami that tore our island paradise apart, bringing death and hardship to it's gentle, kindly, gregarious people.
We have tried, to no avail, to establish whether Nim and Cha and their immediate family survived the Tsunami. The last time we had contact with them they were leasing a restaurant (The Seahouse) at the Old Port in Krabi Town. We have made email contact with a South African couple with permanent residence in Phuket, but unfortunately they've never met, so we live in hope that someone who reads this account will email us with news of them, be it good or bad, so our minds can be put to rest.
TO
AUSTRALIA WE GO!
Eighteen months after selling "SEEROSE" we flew to Australia as we hadn't got that far on 'Seerose'. We purchased a used car, a Houseboat to use as our 'base', and a 40 ft motor cruiser to explore the coastline.
Eighteen months later we returned to South Africa to renew our visa. Unfortunately this was just prior to the start of the Olympics in Sydney, so we had to wait four months whilst they processed the visa applications for that event before our visa extension application came up for perusal. When it did it was revoked. The letter we received from the Embassy read thus: -
"We question your true intention of visiting Australia - you have already been granted ample visas for a holiday visit. May we suggest that if you wish to spend more time in the country that you apply for a Retirement Visa".
I had a mind to reply: - "We question your intelligence. With a three generation family, a fully furnished home, a luxury car and the bulk of our retirement funds invested in South Africa, (all of which was painstakingly declared in our application), what would we want with an Australian Retirement visa? Wake up moron - our mission was to sail not settle!
But of course Bob wouldn't allow it and we submitted yet another application, imploring them to grant us a mere three month holiday visa, which would hopefully give us sufficient time to dispose of our boats and car and pack up our personal possessions.
"Appoint an agent!", was the moron's response.
SHAME ON YE - "MATE"!
Fortunately we had wonderful, kindly neighbours on the adjacent houseboat, who packed up our personal possessions and air freighted them to us, and found buyers for the houseboat, the furniture the cruiser and the car. In the circumstances, we were forced to dispose of everything at a loss (indeed a financial hardship for people close to seventy!)
To these kindly neighbours and all the other delightful, hospitable Australians we've met over there and in various countries over the years,
Cheeez Mates! See youz aaafta!
And, to all the lucky sailors out there:
Fair winds and following seas.
Sally.
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